How to Create a Reputation

And the child had woken up to the sound of his father. His father was up and moving, high-paced, and electrified. He was energized and moving things around the house. The wife, the child’s mother, was asleep, and they had a dog who barked as the father left. The child was playing with his ferret. His father told him to take care of the thing. So the child would play with it. What else was there to do with a ferret but to play with it? The child wondered why the ferret only wanted to run away from him. He would hold it by its long lower waist and pet it gently. He did not want to hurt his cute ferret. He’d rub it under its neck and then the ferret would close its eyes and move its feet in a seesaw-like motion. The ferret felt good in his hands. The child believed that the ferret had feelings. That the ferret got angry with him sometimes. He believed that the ferret felt lonely when the child was in school learning or something, or phone-calling his father in hopes of being with him. That the ferret, in brainwaves, would direct these feelings of loneliness to strike the child in his lower chest. And that’s why the child would feel sad. The child felt sad because his pet ferret was projecting its suffering onto him.
The father arrived and was no longer electrified. He was no longer focused as he was before. He no longer cared about getting shit done. The day had pretty-much ended for the father. The father had no idea what he would do if he were to do anything at all. Maybe attend the cinema? On the way home he did sing a song on the street. He had to ride the bus home because he had lent his car to drug dealers in exchange for some dope. Those drug-dealers would then leave the car in a depressing parking lot by Luquillo beach. He’d tell his family that the car had been broken into and stolen when he had parked it to run some errands in Santurce. “You know how bad of a neighborhood that is,” he’d say. It was true; they lived in a city in a Hispanic nation. It could be called hell if one believed in those places. Many Hispanics do. The father called and filed a stolen car report.
But on the way home, he had danced sounding some Hector Lavoe tunes inside his head. He sang along with Ricky Ruiz, who was standing in front of him waiting for the same bus that he was waiting for.
The child’s mother told the child everyday, “We are all connected.” The father had to call for a ride to work the next day. He felt weak and dehydrated. His face was pale and kind of sickly-yellow. He had trouble keeping his eyes open. The child, before his father had run out the door, lifted up his toy-car. He believed the toy car to be his father’s car. That when he played with the car, his father was protected and no harm could reach him. He told his father, “Daddy, you can use my car. I’ll make sure you get to work safely. No one will touch you, I promise.”
The father felt touched but had no time to signal sentimentality. He barely smiled and touched the child’s head as if he were petting a dog that had finally learned to not shit inside. He walked out the door and the wind closed it with a bang, and the father was gone. The ferret was asleep.


The Riverbed has a hater

His name is Mather Schneider. He is an okay poet. It took a long time for the Riverbed to find his poems. Actually, if it hadn't been for Madore posting Mather's last name on the blogpost in which Madore published the Riverbed's latest story, the Riverbed would have never known who Mather really was. Who Mather really was, was what inspired the Riverbed's lastest story titled "Mather as Ed the Schizophrenic Synth-Player of a Punk Rock Band." The Riverbed attempted to create an identity for this person who he did not know but who kept on for some reason going after the Riverbed. The Riverbed, being a good Puerto Rican, was not about to allow some person to fuck with him, so he fucked back.

What was it that caused this Mather to go after the Riverbed? Was it the fact that when he tried to get published in the Jargon, the ex-home of Mather's favorite poet, Justin Hyde, he was told he must email the Riverbed and get a recommendation? There's proof of that HERE. The Riverbed finds this funny because he had nothing to so with the submission policy, and in end didn't really get to do much as editor of the Jargon. He's just around doing his thing.

HERE's a post where DiGangi was promoing the Riverbed's eBook upcoming on EveryDayYeah, and Mather compares the Riverbed to Burroughs and Selby Jr., which it seems is supposed to be an insult, but is something the Riverbed would call an ego-boost. The Riverbed sings him a song.

HERE's a post in which Mather coined the subtitle for the Riverbed's eBook on EveryDayYeah if the story every gets published again in print or something. "Afternoon Drinking is Okay, a Journal that Should have Washed Out to Sea."

HERE's a post in which Matt DiGangi blogs about his laptop getting fucked up and that the Jargon would be going on hiatus for some time. Here Mather takes the opportunity to critique the Riverbed's poem, "Tasted like peanut-butter and guava-jelly." He also complains about being labeled as a "Hater." The Riverbed explains to him that the term "hater" is used in the same way that Hispanics refer to their home-boys as "cabrón."

HERE's a post in which DiGangi had posted up a list of the best Jargon stories of the year and Mather critiques that they are too showy and lack emotions. The Riverbed posted a flash-piece he had written recently about a girl he met when he was down in Miami. The Riverbed quotes Rick Ross.

HERE's a funny post of Mather being hateful in general. In this one Maya Angelou makes an appearance. More hate: HERE as well.

It got so bad that DiGangi censored the man for a while. Check that post out HERE. Maybe that's why he references the Jargon as being "socialist," but to tell you the truth, the Riverbed hates capitalism.

So the Riverbed decided that he wanted a face for this man, this Mather, and emailed DiGangi to invite Mather to read the manuscript of the Riverbed's second collection, We act angry and apathetic because there's too much noise. Check out the initial move HERE.

It seems from reading Mather's posts that he feels that the Riverbed expected to cause Mather to begin liking the Riverbed's writing. The Riverbed had no interest in that. All he knew was that Mather would take this chance to blow a bunch of hot air. And that's what Mather did. He gave the Riverbed material. Then the Riverbed wrote a story about a local schizophrenic who got his ass whooped downtown and named him Mather and had him seeing a young poet who he blows hot air on throughout the piece. The Riverbed wrote the story and tried very hard to get it published quickly because, well, he wanted to fuck with Mather. So Madore published it, and the Riverbed was going to promo it at some point (would've been now, actually), but he guesses that Mather had one of those programs that informs one if someone posts anything with one's name online, because the Mather found out pretty quickly about the story being published. So on THIS post having nothing to do with the Riverbed, Mather informs of his awareness of the Riverbed' story using his opinion of the Riverbed's manuscript.

Since the cat was out of the bag, DiGangi posted about the story with his link HERE.

And to answer the anonymous question, "What has Mather done?" The Riverbed can only say, You fuck with me, I'll fuck with you. Give me a kiss and I'll love you too.

Check out the story "Mather as Ed the Schizophrenic Synth-Player of a Punk Rock Band" HERE.


On better and brighter news

The Riverbed, Mystery Books, and CircoCirco will be playing shows in Puerto Rico.

The shows are as follows:

June 25th en Nuestro Son w/ Dj A.D.D, Los Niños Estelares, Seven Feeling, JesusChrist-Scientist, Carie, Circus Circus, Ron Calavera, Campo-Formio, ahd, Gio y Los Policias, Los Vijilantes, Las Ardillas, Dj Eleven & Darkside, Fango Pelusa, Kartago in that following order.

There will be lots of art by the most badass artists on the island right now. Represent.

June 26th at S.O.S. Burger Bar, Cataño (Frente a la lancha) w/ Antisociales and TBA

June 27th TBA

At 5PM on June 28th the Mystery Books and Andy Riverbed will be reading, along with Coleco and other invited guests at Libraria Isla http://libreriaisla.com/mm5/merchant.mvc in Rio Piedras.


There will be merchandise

And what is available is:

CircoCirco CD - "Don't Sleep on Your Moon" - $3

Contains six songs and Jonpol from La Cara Oculta, and singer from the infamous Napolnariz had this to say about the record: "If the Germs was a crazy synth-punk band, this is what it would sound like."

The Mystery Books CD - "Russia" - $3

Contains songs that have been blogged about by Tao Lin and P.H. Madore. Check out this interview at Orange Alert HERE.

Mystery Books / Andy Riverbed Split Cassette - "Sleep Forever / Live - $3

Mystery Books' latest recording along with the Riverbed doing spoken word with the Mystery Books as his backing band. He reads new material and translated works of Sam Pink and Alfredo "Cofre" Perezjurado.

Mystery Books Shirt - "Sleep Forever" - $7

Andy Riverbed Shirt - "Mr. Riverbed as Fatboy McPopcorn" - $7

This drawing was done by Rilly Fink, lead singer and songwriter of the Mystery Books.

Andy Riverbed Book - Damaged - $10

Debut Andy Riverbed collection. He only has two copies of these but will get some more soon.

La Cara Oculta / Scum of the Earth 7' - "Chuck Berry / Big Daddy Kane" - $4

La Cara Oculta 7' - "S/T" - $4


If anyone who is not going to be in Puerto Rico is interested in any of this merchandise, send necessary money and a list of which items you want to:

Andy Riverbed
1216 SW 2nd Ave. Apt. 127
Gainesville, FL, 32601

The Riverbed will send whatever was ordered immediately, or at least, as soon as possible, once he arrives back to Gainesville.

For any details or just someone to connect to, email the Riverbed at andy.riverbed@yahoo.com