How to Change the Color of the Ocean

Because he wanted to keep the North Pole
from melting and delay the end
of earth, the President sent one million
citizens to the top of the world with paper fans.
When that didn't work, he sent another million.
That failing, he sent the rest of us.
There we were, working in shifts, fanning
the continent of ice until our arms expired.
Because our joints were killing us, we built
contraptions that fanned the mountains of frost for us.
Because we were sleepy, we opened
a coffee shop. Because we were hungry--
a taco stand. And although the glacier
continued to melt, we found ourselves
saying, Damn this place is cold.
Because of the cold, we built a space heater
the size of Texas. Six of them
and a generator. A drive-in movie theater.
A roller rink that played eighties music.
And because this was good, we drank
a whole lot of beer. And because our shoes
kept getting wet, we ordered orange life-vests--
millions of them, now floating everywhere.

- Matthew Olzmann